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Domestic violence is abusive or violent behavior including willful intimidation, assault, battery, or sexual assault among people who are married, living together or have a prior or ongoing intimate relationship. The interrelated nature of domestic violence and homelessness is undeniable: 92% of homeless women have experiences severe physical or sexual abuse at some point in their lives, and 63% have been victims of intimate partner violence as adults. (National Network to End Domestic Violence)

  • Jealousy

    • At the beginning of the relationship, the abuser will compare jealousy to love and treat them as one in the same. The abuser will question all of the victims’ actions that does not consist of the abuser. The abuser will accuse the victim of flirting, call very frequently during the day, drop by unexpectedly, refuse to let the victim work, check the car mileage, or ask friends to watch the victim.

  • Unrealistic Expectations

    • An abuser expects the victim to meet all of their needs. It is a problem otherwise.

  • Blames Others for Feelings

    • An abuser will use feelings to manipulate the victim. “You’re hurting me by not doing what I want.” “You control how I feel.”

  • Hypersensitivity

    • An abusive person is easily insulted, taking all insults as personal, extreme attacks.

  • Verbal Abuse

    • Involves saying things that are intended to be cruel and hurtful, cursing or egrading the victim, or putting down the victim’s accomplishments.

  • Dual Personality “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde”

    • Explosive behavior and moodiness shifted to congeniality is a typical shift expected of abusers.

  • Threats of Violence

    • A threat of physical force meant to control their partner.

  • Breaking or Striking Objects

    • The abuser usual breaks something of sentimental value to punish the victim or terrorize the victim into submission.

  • Any Force During an Argument

    • This can involve an abuser holding down his victim physically in order to force them to listen.

There is no single type of abuser; however, there are many signs that most known abusers have in common.

  • Controlling Behavior

    • Most abusers use controlling behavior as a way to “protect the victim” or show concern like decision-making skills. As this behavior progresses, it gets worse and can lead to all control of finances or prevent the victim from coming and going freely.

  • Quick Involvement

    • The abuser has usually only known the victim for a short period of time before engaging in a serious commitment. The victim usually feels guilty for wanting to slow the pace or end the relationship.

  • Isolation

    • The abuser will create excuses as to why the victims’ family and/or friends are trouble makers and will block those people out of their lives. The abuser may also block the victim’s access to use of a vehicle, work, or telephone service.

  • Blames Others for Problems

    • The abuser will blame others for all problems or for the abuser’s own shortcomings. Someone is always an obstacle to the abuser’s achievements. The blame is usually placed on the victim or potential victim almost always.

  • Cruelty to Animals or Children

    • This is a person who punishes animal brutally or chooses to not acknowledge their pain as a living being. The abuser may expect children to perform beyond their capability.

  • “Playful” Use of Force in Sex

    • Restraining partners against their will during sex, acting out fantasies in which the partner is helpless, initiating sex when the partner is asleep, or demanding sex when the partner is ill or tired. The abuser will show little concern for his partner’s wishes and will use sulking and anger to manipulate compliance.

  • Past Battering

    • An abuser will beat any partner if in the relationship long enough. Abuse is not just brought along by a hardship; it has always been in them.


National Coalition Against Domestic Violence   

The NCADV website consists of a questionnaire to help complete a safety plan. It provides resources and guidelines for finding support.

WINGS also has the ability to assist in a safe escape while also providing education and help to make sure there is a better tomorrow for you.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline

A safety plan is a personalized, practical plan that includes ways to remain safe while in a relationship, planning to leave, or after you leave. A great safety is not hasty and has all of the vital information you need and is tailored to your unique situation. You should outline all steps in escaping, for your brain does not function well in crisis in comparison to when you are calm. Conducting a safety plan in advance will help you protect yourself when it is time to escape. Visiting this website will give you a number of resources and a multitude of information on how to remain safe in the relationship, how to plan escaping, and how to stay safe after you leave. 

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